My Rayah (in flesh and blood)

It took me 1 month and 2 days to finally compose my thoughts about this overwhelming feeling of motherhood. If i have to rewind everything this would still be the same experience i’d blab about, this is the story of the expected.

As i was laid to the Internal Examination (I.E.) Room, feelings of joy and nervousness envelope me. I ask myself things like, "so, this is the feeling?", "why am i not in pain?", "is this how the delivery room looks like?". My continuous search for answers was interrupted when one of the senior OB residents came in and did an I.E on me, after a while she told me that my cervix has not dilated yet and that i have to be induced. What the heck! This is not part of the plan. All along i wanted a normal delivery.

Since i was not among the usual moms-to-be who experience painful labor, i was wheeled to the lamaze room (lucky enough for me that i was able to discuss this with my OB and that the hospital has this kind of facility.) As i was being prepped up i ask a lot of things to the nurse on duty. I was "makulit" in fishing out whether i will undergo cesarean or not since i was very prepared for a vaginal delivery, emotionally. As i was attached to the fetal monitoring machine, doses of Oxytocin and Buscopan was administered to me intravenously. I knew it was to help speed up the dilatation of my cervix since it was already my term. After 10 routines of an every hour I.E. my OB told me that if by the next day there’ll be no improvement yet, i’d undergo the knife so to speak.

and oh, I was told not to eat plenty, an added suffering.

The day came, me and my unborn was closely monitored since the medicine might have some effect on both of us. I did not anymore bother the discomfort since i was close to seeing rayah. Finally, i met with my Ob and Anesthesiologist together with TJ, my mom and Tj’s dad to discuss the very important phase- delivery. I was given an "ultimatum", that if by 9pm no progress will occur, they have no choice but to do a cesarean with the aid of a spinal anesthesia (I was half-awake). And so on the 26th of October 2006, about 9:05 pm i finally gave birth to a 7.7 lbs. baby girl.

I saw rayah bloody and crying, the nurse who held her told me that she knew "close-open" already. I cannot exactly remember the details since i was groggy of the anesthesia. All i remembered was she was placed beside me after her umbilical cord was cut and that she wont stop crying.

Although the hospital allows immediate rooming-in, i only got to hold rayah out of the nursery after 1 1/2 days. Visitors and close friends told me that rayah was the " most fat" and most lively baby amongst the many babies in the nursery. I knew all along, she got it from mommy.

The very first time i saw my baby, i was speechless. I immediately counted her extremities, i could have been the most paranoid person in the room. Thank God, she’s a normal beautiful creation. I immediately tried to wrest my doubts about breastfeeding as i tried it myself. As we were preparing to be discharged from the hospital, my mom (Rayah’s Grandma- la lolla, for brevity) accompanied rayah to the newbornscreening and hepa b vaccine among the many SOP’s the hospital recommends as TJ settled the bills.

I wanted to write everything about being a first-time mommy and i knew, the next thing would be, being at home with Rayah and that would be another part of the story.

Now, as i write this "litany", i must say, i have given up all the worldly things since nothing can anymore complete me except for my TJ and Rayah. There’s nothing more relaxing than coming home to a beautiful baby. As of this writing she is now 1 month-old.

I am a mom now and admittingly, I will not change my mom’s ways of raising kids, in fact i came to understand her better.

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